Letter to a Friend
by ZombiesAteMyBrain13
Summary: "I do hope you've found some semblance of happiness or peace of mind. I do hope that wherever you are, you're safe and that you're well. I'll always love you." A Gruvia One-Shot that was actually a note I wrote about a recent event...


Hello there Gray-sama,

You're gone.

You're gone, you're gone, you're gone…

And I'll never see you again.

I miss you… A lot. It's been almost a week, believe it or not.

Your funeral was hard. I couldn't bear to be surrounded by the others… I stayed in the back, in the shadows, watching, as I had watched you for so long.

I miss you in a way that makes words seem frivolous. I really didn't realize the wonder of you until you were gone and left the devastating chasm in my very being. You left so quietly, it was almost imperceptible. Bit by bit, you systematically detached yourself from me.

It started as a misty haze between us, until finally, I couldn't see you at all. I long for your laugh most of all. And your energy. Without you, I am exhausted. And lonely. And so very sad. I find myself absentmindedly checking my pulse for signs of life.

So, I guess I must be. Alive, that is. No, scratch that. I am living, breathing. But there is little evidence that I am alive. But this new idea has given me hope. That if I write, my words might somehow reach you.

Can you hear me? Even from as far away as you are?

Can you, no, do you remember what we were like together, as one?

I do.

And I have come to recognize that I have suffered a profound loss. Slowly, so very slowly, I have come to the terrifying conclusion that I have been without you for longer than I ever realized.

Forgive me for not paying attention.

Forgive me for not realizing you were slipping away.

Forgive me for letting depression take you…

Your decision to exit this world without so much as a goodbye has left me incredibly hurt and confused. I don't understand why you'd do such a thing. You survived so much; too many things to mention… And now you're gone and I'm left wondering what I could have done to save you.

You're gone.

And I have to be honest when I tell you that I am angry with you. I'm angry that you chose something for yourself that affected everyone else in your life. You didn't have any consideration for those around you. Your concern was for yourself. You forgot that there were people out there who love you and need you in their worlds. And the worst part of it is that everything you left behind is still here!

When you killed yourself, someone had to find your body. Someone had to plan the funeral. Someone had to pick out the casket, the plot, the flowers. We had to set aside our pain and grief to ensure everything was taken care of.

I will never understand the choice to die over the privilege to live. I don't understand how someone can "opt" out of life. When our very instinct is to fight for survival and push forward and make it to our natural ends… you choose to take yourself out. You are selfish and unbelievably cruel to have done this thing. You have hurt me more than anyone else in my life and for that, I cannot end this letter by telling you that I forgive you. I cannot give your soul peace when you've emptied mine of joy.

I do hope you've found some semblance of happiness or peace of mind. I do hope that wherever you are, you're safe and that you're well. I'll always love you. I will always carry a piece of you with me. There is nothing that will replace my love for you. I'll remember you. I'll tell people how wonderful you were. But I'll never condone, forgive, or understand your choice. This world needed you. I needed you. I'm going to do something that you didn't do for me. I'm going to say goodbye. And I love you.

Juvia

* * *

So allow me to explain... this is the only way I knew how to deal with what has recently happened in my life. My best friend, a girl I called my sister, recently took her own life. I thought I had saved her a week and a half ago... turns out I didn't. It just hurts me to know that someone I have known since I was five years old... that's almost sixteen years!... is gone. But I guess I can't be too sad... she's with her mother again after all. I apologize about my absence... I apologize about not updating. I promised an update to Forever Midnight a long time ago but I've been busy with work. I have the chapter done... I just haven't had the time. I know this update isn't what you all were expecting, but as I said earlier this is the only way I know how to deal... I actually wrote this letter to my friend... It won't be sent though... it was just for venting purposes... maybe this will touch someone out there... I don't really know. So again, everyone, I apologize so much for my absence. I really do hope you all forgive me... I promise that as soon as my life settles down and goes back to normal I'll update Forever Midnight. I promise.

I just want you all to know that I love you all so much. I would be devastated to know if any of you left this earth. Please know that I am here for all of you. If you want someone to talk to... even if it's just about school. I'll talk to you about anything. Just please... please don't leave me, okay? I love you all so much and I appreciate all of you. You're lives are important and you have so much to live for. Thank you for the support you've all given. Your kind words touch my heart and keep me going. It's hard to not feel sad after you lose your best friend but I'm trying really hard to put on a happy face. I'm trying really hard to not slip back into the darkness that once consumed my life six years ago. I love you guys... I have so much to live for and I know that. I hope you all understand that as well. Thank you all again and I really hope you understand.

\- Morgan

xxoo


End file.
